I came around the corner as I walked into the home
You sat in your chair listening to the children sing
I sat down beside you and took hold of your hand
They warned me before I went that you remembered very little these days
My sister was convinced that you no longer knew her name
They said that you were bent and hunched and only saw the floor
I knew that you were in there and took in so much more
You turned to me and your face lit up, I saw the recognition
I asked you if you liked the songs and you said you always hated these things
I laughed and knew that you were there
We sat and held hands and you let your eyes fall back to the floor
I realized what effort it took just to look at me
The nurse came by and asked, "Who is this handsome young man?"
You snapped your head up and immediately responded, "This is my son."
The tears began to flow then. My eyes stung with all that I had missed of you
When I was young and Dad had died you made a promise to yourself, Didn't you?
you promised I would never do without, that you would fill the hole with all you could
The backyard baseball, the Cub Scouts, the ballgames, the trips to movies and skating rink
Picking me up from school and packing my lunch everyday
Making me odd food when I didn't like what was being served
The scorn you took from everyone for catering to me and spoiling me
The sacrifices of a life that was devoted to filling mine
How did I repay you? How did I respond? Did I thank you enough? Did I try to do right?
or did I rebel and flail, struggle against and refute your life of sacrifice?
DID I UNDERSTAND? DID I EVEN TRY?
no
I lost out on so much
Like a misty veil that parts before the Hero in movies
I saw at last as I held your hand in a convalesent home
I looked at you slumped and bent
I saw the straight proud spirit that still resided within
I miss you so much! I hate what I never got to show you
I had grown up! I had come through! I was the man you always wanted me to be!
I was caring and honest, hard-working and strong!
I was loving and patient and .....
It doesn't matter, you never knew.
I took you back to your room and stayed with you for hours that day.
I watched you sleep in silence
I watched the nurses help you do things I knew you hated to have to have help with
I talked with you and watched as you lost the struggle against that horrible disease
Parkinson's
Why do we have to name things like this for people?
Why not call it horrible-ailment-that-slowly-takes-away-what-we-love Disease!
So much more fitting
I watched as you STRUGGLED to even talk to me anymore
You still knew who I was
I could see it in your eyes
As I walked out of the home with rivers of salty regret washing down my face
When the call finally came that you had given up and gone to Dad
When I sat in front of your casket and cried long after the others left
As I watched the men patiently waiting to cover you with earth waiting for my anguish to abide
As I sit here now and cry again
As I pass through every remaining day that is left to me on Earth
I offer my life for yours.
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